Today is the first anniversary of my hysterectomy, my hysterversary if you will. A lot has changed since this time last year, both physically and mentally. Physically, my initial recovery was great with almost no issues and I was back to walking, then running and training with a minimum of fuss.
Mentally, it has been a tougher battle and one that continues. I never really wanted children when I was growing up, but my husband comes from a huge family and grew up always wanting two kids. When Ruby came along, my life was complete but he still desired to have another child. We talked around and around about it for years, the timing never quite right. When Ruby was diagnosed with Perthes Disease and the unknown thrust our lives into a completely different direction, we talked at length about how another child may impact us all and made the decision that we would not have another child, at least until she was out of the Perthes phase. Then 2 months later, I received the diagnosis of Adenomyoisis and pre cancer cells and was faced with the decision of having a total hysterectomy. Suddenly the finality of our decision hit me, and whilst I was comfortable with our decision, I grieved for the unknown and for my husband who will never get his second child. I know we came to that decision together, but ultimately my body decided to rob my husband of his childhood wish and that hurt. Although I am back into training, physically my body is different and will likely never be the same again. Menopause has been a bitch, even though I kept both ovaries in they decided not to wake up and so I’ve been hot flushing all over the place in addition to many other delightful symptoms. Menopause has affected me in ways I never imagined. Recovering post-surgery and building your fitness back up is hard enough, but to have your training efforts impacted by hot flushes is very frustrating. When I get a hot flush, it starts deep in my core as if I’m on fire and starts to radiate out through my legs and arms. If I try to run through it, I feel like I’m being cooked from the inside out and so instead I’m forced to walk. Now imagine you’re in a race, and you’re feeling fit and fine and cruising along a beautiful runnable stretch of trail. And you get a hot flush and have to walk when you could easily be running. And then another. And another. So frustrating! My first race post-surgery I ran a whole hour slower than the previous year because of all the enforced walking I had to do. I have days where the fatigue hits me hard and I don’t even have the energy to get out of bed let alone train. For someone who lives to train and whose mental health is directly connected to my ability to get out and run, this has also been an extremely frustrating and testing symptom to come to terms with. For a long time, I was beating myself up for not pushing through it and berating myself for not being fully recovered and back to “normal”. But then one day I realised, what is “normal” and who am I to say that I’m not there? Huge parts of me have been surgically removed, of course I’m not going to be the same person anymore. Parts of my body that controlled and maintained functions in my body and were interconnected with many other bits inside me, I was naïve to think that I could just have them taken out and things would be perfect after that. And so Rhiannon 2.0 was born. The old Rhiannon is gone along with her faulty uterus and other bits, and with that all her previous PBs and achievements as well. Its now time for me to build my new PBs and achievements, and discover just what this post-surgery menopausal body can do. There are many things I have no control over in my life now, which for someone with anxiety and OCD tendencies, this has been very challenging to accept. But between my surgery and Ruby’s Perthes, I have been forced to let go of the planning and controlling aspects in my life as there is absolutely nothing I can do to manage the unknown with both and instead, simply embrace each day as it comes with whatever challenges it may present. It’s scary but refreshing, and I must say less exhausting then the constant planning and organising that goes on in my head :) But this isn’t meant to be a doom and gloom post, quite the opposite in fact. Post-surgery, I am mentally stronger and physically in a better place. I will not say I’m 100% as I still continue to experience pains and issues, my weight is still fluctuating and menopause continues to test my patience and strength. I have severe recurring Endometriosis, which is not cured by a hysterectomy and so I will continue to need surgeries in the future to keep clearing it out – which means I’ll be back to trying to find a down time between training to go in for a clean out lol However, in the 12 months since my hysterectomy I have successfully run a number of races and finished strong, including a 7 minute PB in a 50k trail ultra; I’m training for my first 50k road ultra in December and looking forward to attempting another 100k ultra in the future. I am enjoying rediscovering my strength and learning how far and hard I can push this new body of mine. Menopause aside, I 100% do not regret my surgery and am so thankful to have had a wonderful surgical team and live in a country where I was able to financially afford to put my health first. So Happy 1st Hysterversary to me, and here’s to the future and Rhiannon 2.0 x
3 Comments
Anne Dissegna
11/10/2018 06:47:46 am
What sn inspiring story a read I so needed to read with still struggling with endo, hernia/ diastius rectus I am struggling to be and do what I use to I need to maybe restart make new goals and finishes and start a new chapter in my life ( if that makes sense) thanks for a great read Rhiannon your journey has been amazing to read you aspire me with your strength and determination in life xxxxxx
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Polly Ball
11/10/2018 07:39:07 am
You go girl! So happy to read your story Rhiannon. It's been quite the journey in so many ways. You have inspired me to get my lump of a post hysterectomy body on the move. Here's to year 2 of Rhiannon 2.0! 😊
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Kai N
17/10/2018 08:20:39 am
I found your post on Instagram and got here. I got diagnosed with adenomyosis two weeks ago after laparoscopy for endometriosis (turns out I don’t have endo). I’ve always thought about hysterectomy since I learned about it when I was 21. I’m now 28.
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AuthorHi, I'm Rhiannon and welcome to my blog. I'm not an elite athlete and I may never win any races, but I'm a "real" runner, juggling work, family and life to achieve my running goals. Archives
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