Now that we’re at the pointy end of the lead up to Blackall 100, I’ve had some time to focus on my emotional health and how I am feeling on this journey. So far I have been strangely relaxed and calm, given that I am about to undertake a 100km race. I am not usually one to be so calm and relaxed, and it has me and others who know me a bit perplexed lol
I think taking my knee out of the equation has certainly helped. Leading up to Coastal last month, it was always in the back of my mind that it would start to play up and turns out those fears were right. But the fact that I am hiking and not running at all, means that is one less thing I have to worry about. Prior to making the decision to hike Blackall, I had been toying with the idea of getting a tattoo to commemorate my first 50 and 100 ultras. However, once I realised I wouldn’t be running any of the race I didn’t feel comfortable claiming it as an ultra. When I met with my psych recently, she asked me why I didn’t think it was an ultra. “Because I’m not running” I said. “But why is running the only thing that defines it as an ultra? Are you still doing the distance? Have you still trained for the event?’ She explained to me the concept of “gaps” or “gains” – do you focus on the gap between the picture in your mind of how you think something should be vs the actual situation, or do you acknowledge and celebrate the gains or the wins despite the outcome? When I think about it, I am very much a “gaps” person in my life, constantly focusing on the difference and berating myself for things not going to plan. I don’t seem to allow myself to enjoy any happiness in my achievements. I am a very determined and goal orientated person, I need to have something to work towards otherwise I feel a bit lost. When things get tough, I dig my heels in further and will keep fighting to the death. This determination and stubbornness has got me through many difficult times in my life and has become a bit of a survival mechanism for me. My psych explained that these are not bad traits to have by any means, but that they need to be harnessed a bit to avoid burnout (or potential serious injury etc). If I am constantly focusing on the end goal, it starts to build it up even bigger. Then if I don’t achieve it how I expected the outcome “should” be, then the let down and disappointment can be overwhelming. Not to mention, by focusing solely on the goal, I ignore the journey and the build-up, and everything great that comes along with that. Which got me thinking. I’ve never been comfortable claiming that I have completed 2x 50km ultra marathons, as they didn’t go as planned and there was far less running involved than what I imagined qualified someone as completing an ultra. However, despite everything I went through during those races – injuries, emotions, pain, hallucinations! – I went on to finish. A very small percentage of the population will attempt an ultra-marathon in their lifetime, and an even smaller percentage will complete one. I’ve completed two. Sure, they weren’t pretty and they didn’t match the picture in my head as to how I thought they “should” have gone. But I still trained for them, I used up a lot of blood, sweat and tears to complete them, and I received a medal and shirt at the end so they’re for real legit! When I started working with my nutritionist in June and set my goals, they were to a) fuel correctly for my long races so that I wouldn’t bomb out and b) as a second goal, some weight loss would be nice. When I did my first progress photos after 6 weeks, to be honest I was gutted. I could barely see any changes in my physical form, and felt cheated after all the hard work and dedication I had put in. I messaged my nutritionist and we had a chat. She reminded me that my first goal was fuelling for an ultra, and that the plan she gave me reflected that. A plan for weight loss would look completely different and I probably wouldn’t have the energy to run 5km! So I had to change the picture in my mind. When the next round of progress photos were taken, it took me less time to identify the physical changes but also to celebrate the other changes that have occurred – I am much stronger in my legs now especially going uphill, my posture is completely different, I have a lot more energy and the little sleep I do get is more refreshing. Suddenly, I was focussing on the gains and not the gap. I realised that’s why I am feeling more calm and relaxed leading up to Blackall, as the goal at the end has shifted dramatically and I fell less pressure to perform to a certain level. My goal now is just to finish within cut off. Instead, I am really enjoying each of my training sessions, embracing the new experiences I am having through the training, and sharing the lead up experiences with some very special people. I am under no illusions that my body will hurt, 100km on your feet is tough no matter if you’re an elite or an amateur! And even if the worst happens and I DNF, there is so much to celebrate in the gains of getting there and even attempting to hike 100km. Of course, the determined side of me is already saying that won’t happen lol Guess I better go start designing that tattoo after all… 10 sleeps, things are about to get real!
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This weekend I was lucky enough to be able to volunteer at the inaugural Nerang 100 Miler and the experience was both humbling and harrowing. The race was held in the Nerang State Forest, and consisted of 25km out and back loops on rough rocky fire trail. It’s a particularly tough track in the daylight, when you now the track and can see where you’re going, but at night it can be (and was) brutal. There were runners doing 100 miles, 100km, 50 miles, 50km and 25km.
I formed part of a rotating roster of people who were covering the only manned checkpoint at the start/finish line, where all the runners needed to come back to at the end of each loop to cross the timing belt before refuelling and heading back out. My initial shift was 5.30am-10pm, and then I came back at 7.30pm so I could do a bit of night hike training before starting to volunteer again at 10pm and the plan was to finish at 2am. But like everything else, nothing goes to plan. I witnessed acts of bravery as well as acts bordering on stupidity, but decisions that as a fellow ultra runner, I totally understood and would have likely made them myself. Watching these battle weary people trickle in overnight, bruised and battered and looking like death on legs, rushing to help them re-fill packs, offering food, warmth, comfort, before they slowly picked themselves back up, put themselves back together and painfully but determinedly headed back out for another dark and lonely loop. I wondered about many of them and whether they would indeed finish what they set out to do. Of the initial starting list, only 9 runners actually crossed that start line yesterday morning. What started out as a fresh cool morning quickly rose to super hot temps, averaging 29 degrees out the back of the course. Many runners were reporting nausea and sickness, especially as darkness fell and the temp dropped by 15 degrees within 30 minutes. Over the course of the night, I hiked alongside a mate who hadn’t been able to keep any fluids down since 50km and yet valiantly made it through to 80km (half way for the 100 miler) before making the decision to stop. His determination to try and keep going despite how crap he felt in his guts was crazy but admirable, however I am most impressed with his ultimate decision to put his health first and not continue. I was extremely happy to be there when another friend came in on her 3rd lap of 100km, teary and emotional, vowing that she was done and couldn’t continue. She explained she had been falling asleep out there and was sore from falling over earlier, and telling me to don’t bother talking her out of it but she was done. I encouraged her to sit down, have some food, and rest a bit before making any rash decisions. I explained to her that she had 12 hours to complete her last lap, which she could walk it and still finish. Hell, she could have a nap and then walk it and still finish within cut off. Her final lap would coincide with sunrise, which is beautiful out the back of those hills. After awhile, she picked herself up, put herself back together again and headed back out, and went on to finish in 2nd place female. I am so proud of her determination and commitment to get back out there and finish what she started. Earlier on in my night shift, one of the 100km runners needed to be picked up from the course in the emergency ute, as they were unable to continue due to continuously vomiting. However, we then got word that the front-runner for the 100 miler was also in a bad way out on course and needed to be picked up. By the time he got back to the checkpoint, I watched his body start physically shutting down. He had been unable to keep anything down for almost 6 hours, and when he last vomited it had been a black tar like substance. We got him into some warmth and tried to get layers of clothes on him, yet he was still shaking uncontrollably and his face started to get pins and needles. Thankfully through all that, he agreed that the best place for him was to head to hospital for some much-needed IV fluids. He was diagnosed with Rhabdomyolysis or rhabdo – the breakdown of muscle fibres due to severe dehydration. His CK levels in his blood were 5000; they should have been 50-150. Scary stuff. Thankfully he was on the mend pretty quickly and able to be discharged, but it’s a reminder of just what we put ourselves and our bodies through in order to become ultra runners, and even elite runners with heaps of experience aren’t immune to stuff going wrong. I made it home just before 5am, and got about 2hrs sleep before miss Ruby Pink Cat woke up and it was all over lol So we headed back about 9.30am just to see how everyone was travelling, and my amazing friend who was the Race Director was still soldiering on after 30 hours. What a trooper and an amazing job she did!! All of this and only 3 weeks out from Blackall 100, and my first attempt at hiking 100km. Prior to last night, I had set myself a pretty ambitious goal of finishing sub 20 hours. I know how fast I can hike and how strong I am on my legs and it seemed lofty but attainable. However after last night, all bets are off. I am how shitting myself about even finishing at all, let alone within the cut off of 28 hours. This will be a track I have no knowledge off, and on a large loop, not smaller out and backs, so once I’m out there I need to battle to the next aid station and hope a) my crew are there and b) I can physically keep going to the next one. But if last night has taught me anything, it’s that we are capable of achieving so much. So many times over the weekend I was reminded of one of my favourite quotes – when your legs can’t run anymore, run with your heart. Swap run for hike and this will be my mantra in just 20 sleeps! Oh, and in case you’re wondering. Of the 9 initial starters for the 100 miler, only 3 finished, and only 7 of the initial 11 runners in the 100km finished. Champions!!!!! You all owned that brutal course, and should all be so proud of yourselves. |
AuthorHi, I'm Rhiannon and welcome to my blog. I'm not an elite athlete and I may never win any races, but I'm a "real" runner, juggling work, family and life to achieve my running goals. Archives
October 2020
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